Dear Christina:
You have expressed your desire to get married to since you were 18. It has been such a funny conversation every time we talk about it because our humor matches so perfectly that we can point to any guy on the street and give reasons why you would love to marry them.
Now, here we are four years later still laughing about your dedication of marriage. You are now dating Brandon, who has said he loves you just 2 months into your relationship. I know you are happy, but I know that you have changed. You tell us about what changes you are making and what Brandon expects out of you. Just last week, you sat down with Jess and I and told us that Brandon informed you of what would make a good wife. The list of things he gave you included "Informing your husband of everything you do, not making him jealous, and knowing how to make him happy." With such a list like this, I find it easy to imagine why the topic of marriage has still been around, and why it is no longer comical.
Relationships have never been my strong point, but I can see right through this one. You have changed as a person to conform to a guy you have only been dating for 5 months. You no longer are able to come out with your friends and enjoy everyone's company because it makes your boyfriend jealous that he is not having fun with you. he puts too much guilt on you, and I don't find this as a part of a healthy relationship and neither do your other friends. We have been told we are a bad influence on you, and you seem to agree.
I feel like your relationship is creating an enormous gap in your relationships with your friends. We do not see you anymore and whenever we do, you are on the arm of Brandon. We miss you and wish you could return to your old self. Yes, we have all grown up, but we do not need to conform to some fantasy of what "a good wife should be" because you are 21 years old and in a relationship I and many others deem unhealthy.
Last night, when you made the plans to attend Jen's birthday party and then decided to come out because you felt guilty, we had a blast. There should be no worry in feeling guilty about hanging out with your friends. You have done it all of your life. You do not need a hand to hold every time you leave the house.
I hope this letter finds you in a place where you will not feel ambushed or mad at your friends, but hopefully understand where we are coming from.
Sincerely,
Mat
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Mat,
ReplyDeleteI thought that your letter was beautifully written and the sincerity of it is palpable. Your beginning introduction about how your friend has wanted to get married since she was 18 is a great start about defining your friend's character and how sweet she seems. As you segway into how you feel about her current boyfriend as well as how mutual friends feel about her situation, you don't come off as attacking her in anyway. You make valid points, that despite the "I love yous" you can still see through all of that as a bystander. You bring up very valid points; especially when you write about what Brandon has told Christina about 'what makes a good wife' and you can tell that it is the complete opposite of what you want for her.
Your intentions are well stated and your argument was a success. I found your concluding paragraph especially when you tell her not to make apologies for doing things she has been doing her entire life.
Great job!
Carolyn Huynh